MetaFic

When you go out to vote today, don't forget Bun-bun. He's experienced, effectively immortal, and always clear on his stances. Plus, he has the most fur.

Here's where Bun-bun stands on the issues:
Abortion: If you're a dumb-ass or a nerd-boy, Bun-bun will abort you with extreme prejudice.
Economy: Bun-bun will eliminate telemarketing jobs, vastly reducing the overhead costs of major corporations. Eliminating the telemarketers will then help with unemployment.
Education: Every child deserves the chance to learn about Baywatch from a young age. No child will be left un-Watched.
Energy: Bun-bun has a simple solution to the energy crises. Once the telemarketers have been eliminated (see "Economy"), he will round up everyone who is similar to a telemarketer but who hides under the title "customer service representative" or "fundraiser". These people will be placed on treadmills attached to electromagnetic coils. Rabid dogs will be placed on similar treadmills just behind the former. The combined motion should provide all the power we need. If not, we can always fall back on Nuklear Power.
Environment: Bun-bun believes that the world should be preserved so that natural sunshine, scenic beaches, and female lifeguards can flourish as nature intended them to do.
Gun Control: Bun-bun wants to control all the guns.
Homeland Security: See "Gun Control."
Housing: Anyone who needs a place to live is welcome to move into homes and apartments marked with "Now Telemarketer-free" signs.
Iran/Iraq/Israel: Do they like Baywatch? If so, then what's the problem? If not, see "Gun control."
LGBT Issues: Well, yeah. That's cool. Especially for lifeguards.
Social Security: Bun-bun's society will be secure, because he will control all the guns. Elderly people who need jobs are welcome to become Bounty Hunters in search of rogue telemarketers.
Stem Cell Research: Bun-bun is against human cloning. There are enough of the damn things already. However, he favors stem-cell research using existing cells. He wants to use our scientific engine to focus on finding a cure for breast cancer.
Taxes: Bun-bun favors eliminating the monetary tax and instituting a nationwide video tax. Baywatch clips only.

Obviously, it would be a crime not to vote for Bun-bun. So when you go to the polls today, write him in like everyone else does. Then join the Baywatch party at your local cinema.